He uses pillows to masturbate.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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