Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
