You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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