New low: just hacked my moms facebook
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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