It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
