What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
