grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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