i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So vagazzling was a success
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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