I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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