I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were destined to go to rehab together
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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