Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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