Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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