Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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