he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
