WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
