well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
