Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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