i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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