Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
