Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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