What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
