I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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