margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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