I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You're like the curious george of whores
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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