my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
