the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
