The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
