he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
