Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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