as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
