I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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