I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
