So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
