How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
