Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
