I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
