I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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