i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
