I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
