seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
