Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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