Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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