he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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