Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What happened to fro yo and sex?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
