OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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