you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
