so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
