Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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