he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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