So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
are you so shy because you have an std?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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