I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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