Apparently you make a good broom.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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