dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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