My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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