I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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