I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
