"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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