I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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