Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
