I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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